A day at work is time well spent, but what do you most not want to hear upon getting home? “Hello there, I’m calling from Dodgy Loans R’Us and we were wondering whether you would like to take out a policy with us and get routinely shafted in doing so?” To keep your cool is difficult enough; how fair this little upstart calls you up in your home with an irksome little proposition designed to frustrate the pants off you. You have to make concessions though, at least their being honest. Do you think they want to call you up any more than you want to answer the call?

The position of the telesales caller is one of supposed scorn, pity and ambivalence. However, the most hardened of callers must be admired by all those around, for the extreme command of language they possess. It is true most of their spiel is prompted by a computer screen, but their ability to think fast outside of their script is second to none. The little persuasive nuggets of language they possess are like magical beans in the hands of a toddler.

There are of course several approaches to their game: “You’re really doing me a service here”, this downright plea can be as particularly effective as brutal honesty: “Look I just need one more sale to hit my target”. However, the manipulation of the English language to form nice tantalizing little lies is the most common weapon of choice. “Hi there, I’m so glad to talk to you, how are you doing, how’s your day been, what are you doing later?” Peppering the recipient with questions is the easiest way to gain their confidence, it shows a little interest, or a subtle form of flattery if one chooses. But then when the rapport has been built and the opportunity is ripe; is when the caller must go in for the kill: “Ok Jan, so I basically called to ask if you’d take one of these policies off my hands so I can go home and feed my son whose desperately hungry and in need of a Twix, but then we can get back to chatting”. The success of such tactics on the older citizens of the nation is undoubted, but woe be tired if you speak to them in a foreign accent. Despite having a decent command of the English language, if you show anything but a slight trace of a foreign accent then you must expect to be shut out. Telecom racism is still fervent in our society.