Forget about world hysteria as stockpiles of nuclear arms build up and go unaccounted for, forget about stockpiles of bonds and shares whizzing around the global capitalist market, forget about stockpiles of cheap microwave meals as families ready themselves for impending doom. Unwanted christmas presents are a much more material threat than any weapon of mass destruction – they sadden us, guilt trip us and essentially worry us. Their effects are immediate and the situation is dire.

 Christmas is supposedly a joyful momentous occasion, but its aftermath is bloody. In amongst all the pleasantries and the rich food, lurks the subconscious restrained voice of a lunatic screaming: “why on earth have you got me that!!!?” However, we love to think that we’re immaterial and that its only the thought that counts. We’re wrong. Someplace, somewhere, our mind bitterly searches for an explanation for the purpose of such gifts.  Every year we get stuff we simply don’t want. It adds up. We stuff it into drawers, we hide it under beds, it builds up and it congeals. It oozes out of containment like a freshly gaping sore. It causes mental pain. “Oh the guilt! I cannot stand it, I should have told them, I should pass it on to charity, I don’t want to hurt them.” Why care so much about an animal shaped corkscrew? That person went to no real effort. They copped out and so should you. Take your unwanted gifts to charity, bring down the commercial engine, wage your own little revolutionary war.  

Rubbish Christmas presents!