- “I don’t think our football team has a realistic chance of winning the world cup….”
- “I’d quite like our government to join the Euro…”
- “I think the Duke of Edinburgh is an excellent human being….”
- “Tim Henman has won Wimbledon…”
- “The Daily Mail was very insightful today….”
- “The French are an excellent race of people….”
- “I don’t think there are enough speed camera’s on our roads….”
- “I would like it to rain a little bit more…”
- “I think Tony Blair did the right thing….”
- “Hello there neighbour, how are you?…”
- “Eastenders was so realistic tonight….”
- “The Queen’s dead….”
- “Spandau Ballet were an important band…”
- “Simon Cowell has done so much for the music industry….”
- “Put Danny Baker back on TV…”
- “Jade Goody is really intelligent….”
- “That Anthony Cotton show is the best thing on TV…”
- “I think we should release Ian Huntley…”
- “Maybe we should ditch the Union Jack and take up the Stars and Stripes…”
- “Yuri Geller can really bend spoons….”
- “Anne Widdecombe really is quite attractive…”
- “Hugh Grant is such a versatile actor…”
- “Our TV license is great value for money….”
- “Council Tax is so cheap these days….”
- “We have enough national holidays….”

You all know the song; it’s the one everyone hums: “la la la to, before all shouting “In an English Country Gaaaarrrrdeeeen” right at the end. It’s almost a cathartic experience just to shout this last line out with a familiar group of people. However, how many of us have actually sung this song in an English Country Garden?

The noun: “English Country Garden”, makes an ordinary garden seem something quite unique to England, when in fact most countries have them. A Garden is nothing new, but I do suppose it is a status symbol for wealthy land owners, a cabbage patch cannot after all be considered a ‘Country Garden’.

“But what is inside a country garden?”

Well I’m glad you asked! According to the song there are a lot of sweet flowers, insects and song birds. Nothing that really sets apart the English garden from say a Chinese garden, which I assume also has a lot of sweet flowers, insects and song birds, but you know how we Brits try to be unique. The cuckoo and the quail, bobolink and tanager supposedly set the English Country

Garden apart from the rest, but may I ask how many people would be able to identify the ‘bobotwink’ or the ‘teenager’? Which gets to my next point; that the aesthetics of the country garden are no longer cared for in the ever increasing urbanity of modern day life. As transcendentalism encourages us; we must flock to our countryside, our refuge and our great symbol of calm and of order. It is there can we find our peace right in the heart of

Getting a weekend takeaway in this country is almost as natural as washing on a daily basis. Come the weekend after a hard week’s work when there is no food left in the house and no effort left in the body to cook, the only viable option is hitting up one of the many wide ranging culinary establishments the high street has to offer.

Then again there are those takeaway restaurants that are not always the easiest to spot. In desperation of having no suitable location some of these estabilishments are often converted ground floors of houses. The waiting room of a takeaway restaurant is interesting enough in itself. There you can usually find a wall bracketed TV playing a feast of Saturday night shows like Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway - oh lucky you to have stumbled in at such unfortunate timing.

After paying your fees and receiving your little banquet you then have to prepare yourself for war. Outside there lurks several hooded youths who menacingly stand around swearing and smoking, casting intimidatory glances. Forgive them, they know not what they do. Years from now they will have refuted their ways and assimilated into British society, forming the new landed gentry of tomorrow, but until then just get home safely. 
So eventually you do get home, eat your greasy feast and retire yourself to a lazy night in. “The food was well worth it” you think to yourself; “but I’ll do the washing up tomorrow”. Wakng up the next day with the stench of grease lingering in the air and an awkward stomach you swear to yourself never again, but like a bad rash you try not to itch, you always go back.

One of England’s finest takeaway establishments, source: http://www.leeds.gov.uk/images/2005/week33/b8b57234-fbc3-4cc3-

- An Englishman an Irishman and a Scotsman were in a pub, talking about their sons. My son was born on St George’s Day,” commented the English man. “So we obviously decided to call him George” “That’s a real coincidence,” remarked the Scot. “My son was born on St Andrew’s Day, so obviously we decided to call him Andrew.”
“That’s incredible, what a coincidence, “said the Irishman. “Exactly the same thing happened with my son Pancake.” 

Not a particularly effective joke, but none the less another of the endless stream of Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman jokes. Why is the Englishman always the most intelligent, the Scotsman the most practical and the Irishman the idiot? I’m not sure, I really can’t discern why the Englishman is depicted in this way other than the tradition in which these jokes continue. The main convention and the way these jokes work is in mocking the scattish traits of the Irishman against the sensibilities of the other two nationals. It’s such a cruel world.  This racist vein continues, and again the Englishman is defended by the absurdity of the depictions of other nationals when we turn to a similar joke:  

 - An Englishman, and American and a Greek were complaining about their stupid wives.
The Englishman says, “my wife saw a sale in the supermarket and bought 50lbs of meat, and we don’t even have a freezer!”
The American guys says, “I got that beat. My wife bought a £60,000 car, and she doesn’t even know how to drive!”
But then the greek says, “no, mine beats that. My wife went on vacation last month with her friends, and took 100 condoms with her, and she doesn’t even have a dick!” 

The Englishman gets off with the lightest punishment once again. Why is it we are always able to avoid being the butt of such jokes? Please come mock us!

I love it! Google Image search Englishness and in comes a terrific image of icons that represent England. Following on from the previous ‘Best Symbols of England’ blog earlier in the week I can’t help but feel I missed some great things, but look a little bit closely at this image and what do you see?

All of these icons may appear particular positive at first sight, but are they really? Look closely and you can see how each image thematically relates to the superior might of our country in terms of empire and warfare. “How does tea?” you may well ask. Well the symbolic nature of tea is long associated with Englishness but if we were to trace its roots more closely we can see its origins on the foreign lands that England ruled over. The importation of tea began in 1660 when our own King Charles II received two ounces, and was essentially exported by two monopolies in China and India. The escalation in tea sales grew during the 1750’s due to the rise in cane sugar importations, because tea with sugar is after all, a lot more sensational. In reflecting back on the origins of tea in our country can we not argue that its place in our society is largely because of our colonial interests?

Now we turn to Henry VIII as I feel the other two icons are fairly self evident in their epitomizing of superior force. Now, Henry VIII, obviously a powerful British figure but what is he really remembered for?  Cutting off the heads of wives, throwing out the pope and fighting various wars with neighbouring countries, need more be said about the origins of these British icons? Is the greatest thing about Englishness our superior force in the world?

So England kick off against Russia tomorrow and there has been an almighty hoo-ha about the conditions our top athletes have to play in, the artificial pitch being the main point of contestation.  Football as our national game - and possibly as some would say national religion, is a hotly contested point of discussion amongst the many social arenas of the nation. It imposes on such a large part of our culture that in some ways to be an English football supporter is a passage to fully fledged citizenship.

What of those in the nation that simply don’t like the game? They fall into a minority sector, rife with prejudicial sentiment and stereotyping occurring on the behalf of their football loving receptors. In some ways these individuals are extradited from the cultural consciousness of the country. This happens due to sports position as one of the single most unifying experiences of identity. In the idea of the nation, and many political theorists ranging from Hobspawm to Anderson contend, the nation must define itself in comparison with the other. This sense of the ‘other’ is a notion borrowed specifically from Edward Said who wrote of it in dividing the attitudes of the colonizing West to its exotic subjects falling outside of the West in terms of their global positioning.  

In many ways the game that will take place tomorrow is an epic battle that resounds so much further than from within the limiting confines of support. If England’s footballers bring us failure, the nation will fail with them. The interconnectedness we feel with these eleven ordinary people bears such an unbelievable weight upon their young shoulders. In many ways it is crucial that they only frame their mindset on winning a game of football, however as a nation we should also remember this fact and avoid using it as a referent in which to match the power of one nation against another, or even further the superiority of one type of people against another.

Following on from the positively deemed images of England we must come to a critique of the stereotypes which may be particularly unfair to the depiction of such a nation.  With good symbols inevitably comes the bad, and with the idea of England being fused into the consciousness’ of many international nationalities there come a series of bad symbolic referents. Here we highlight just some of these and hope to open up debate.

5. Rain

Contrary to popular belief it doesn’t always rain in England. We have some very beautiful seasons of weather, if albeit slightly unpredictable. So rain may be a problem when having to plan outdoor activities, but does it outweigh the delightful surprise of an emerging sun on a cold winter’s day? As residents of England we come to appreciate our sun more, never taking a warm spot of weather for granted.  If we have to sacrifice a lot of rain over the winter months, I say it’s well worth it for every unusually sunny day. The element of surprise is the best of all.

4. Accents

Not everyone from England talks the Queen’s English. We don’t all speak like our news readers, our politicians or like our elitist intelligentsia. This speaks for all countries, to take the monarch as the unifying singular image of a nations people, is a grave mistake to make indeed. Travel nationwide and you will find a wealth of accents and dialects despite our relatively tiny square mileage.

3. Noble Ancestry

“No I don’t know the Queen, nor am I a Lord or Earl!”. Some assumptions can be quite bizarre, to deduce that most English residents; that of a population of sixty million, are somehow related to nobility is a strange one indeed. While there are a varying number of families that bear members with noble titles, to use this stereotype alone, is to be increasingly dismissive of the proletarian working classes who have helped to establish this country over the many hundreds of years.

2. Castle’s

With the perceived ties that each English migrant or tourist has to noble ancestry, there comes the grander assumption that they all must reside within the impenetrable walls of their own abode of grandeur. Whilst castles retain their positions as breathtaking monuments to the medieval age of this country, we must remind others that they are not uniquely ours but that of an architecture rooted deeply in Germanic Europe.

1.  Football Hooligans

Hollywood’s recent spate of football related gang warfare films certainly points to our country as the stronghold of football hooliganism. To some extent this is true and the nation justly deserves such a view, but what of the masses that love the game and are unjustly let down by small minorities of troublemakers? To centre England at the heart of violent sport fanaticism is wholly unfair to the consideration that other countries are justly contributable and even more so dangerous.

Ok, so everyone has stereotypes. We can’t escape them. Now accepting that fact, it is then important to distinguish between what constitutes a ‘good’ stereotype and consequentially what is a ‘bad’. A good stereotype may be something we deem to be a fair representation of that thing we are considering, or alternatively something that has positive connotations. A ‘bad’ on the other hand could be something that is particularly damaging when used to evoke a representation of the topic in question.

Therefore with no further delay, I shall present what I believe to be the top five positive symbols of England and its culture and openly defy anyone who may disagree.

Top Symbols

5.  English Cream Teas

In at five is something that is not particularly national but more so regional. Whoever would have thought that Devonshire clotted cream and a nice little scone would complement the good old English tradition of tea so well? Most English citizens are completely ‘foreign’ to the tea room experience, but I urge all those cream tea virgins to get knocked up with a scone and tea as fast as possible.

4. Red Telephone Boxes

Number four takes us to the most traditional of English or even London images; that of the red telephone box.  Since Edison invented the technology we English invented the style in which to best compliment the cutting edge. Walk the streets of England today and be charmed by their presence, watch as increasing technology fails to kill their presence in the physical landscape of today. I say long live onward the red telephone box!

3. London Taxi’s.

Their patrons may not be so classy, but there is nothing too shabby about the London Taxi. Its dark sleek exterior provides no falsities to the luxurious innards of this tamed beast. Creep inside one, escape from the harshness of a cold winter and cruise the streets of London, there really are no better way to see the sights!

2. Rural Village Life

Your dad might be your brother’s sister, but there is nothing wrong with hailing from the quaint recesses of the English countryside. The thatched cottages, the nosy neighbours, the perfect serene image of the little English village could not be more complimentary to this very nation. Stroll around the cobbled streets,  conference in the village hall,  spread some village gossip, just leave with your dignity intact.

1. The Beatles

I would say the greatest symbol of English culture is probably its biggest cliché. They hail from Liverpool, they play music, they were visionary geniuses, they inspired millions…it has to be The Beatles. You would be an idiot not to know who these guys are.

So that’s it, were over for the time being, but stay tuned for the soon to come ‘Five Worst English Symbols Post’!